Hey guys, have you met The Purity Bear? He’s a plush toy who appears to tempted teens and warns them without moving his mouth that going inside a girl’s house will inevitably lead to sex having, and sex having before marriage is literally the worst decision you could possibly make.
In spite of the fact that this could easily be parody, this video is a very real effort to promote the very real Day of Purity. On that Pure of Days, everyone focuses on their genitals for awhile, and somehow that makes them better people. Pure people.
This Purity Bear video also teaches us an important lesson about women, namely that they’re usually the ones responsible for tricking men into getting turned on, and they’re always demanding sex from poor, defenseless, virtuous, chaste dudes. It happened in Twilight when Bella spent like 3 books humping Edward’s leg before he agreed to put out, it happened to Sir Galahad, the Chaste in that castle full of horny virgins, and it’s happening here, right on this now besotted doorstep. For shame, woman. For shame, women.
Visibly absent from this scenario was the Artie The Angry Trouser Python, who appears to men and tells them to never turn down a handjob.